Umbrella Etiquette 101

Hello lovely blog-readers,
Just a quick little random post before I go cook dinner...today was SUPER eventful and will require more attention than I can give on my empty stomach and short attention span.

As the weather forecast for London looks like this for the next week...

...I thought now would be a good time to write a brief summary of the unspoken but oh-so-important etiquette governing the use of an umbrella on the bustling streets of Londontown.  

First, if you wish to blend in at all with the locals, you will invest in a sturdy, practical and utterly dull plain black umbrella with a serviceable, collapsible handle.  I am clearly failing from the start, as my umbrella looks like this:

Yes my friends, it is bright sunny cheerful yellow with a plethora of orange, pink, navy and white polka dots.  Oh-so-fun and delightful to look at on a dreary rainy day, but definitively NOT British-y at all.

When carrying an umbrella, British people must pay very close and careful attention to the proper times to open and close it.
-Upon immediate entrance to a Tube station staircase the umbrella must be closed.  This means you will get rained on for about 15 seconds while descending said staircase.
-An umbrella may not be opened until you have reached street level and fully exited a Tube station.  You WILL get mean dirty looks from angry people.
-If walking under a covered walkway for construction the umbrella must be closed, as space is very constricted.  If you do not close your umbrella, even if it means you will get dripped on through the construction scaffolding, you will also be the recipient of dirty looks, and may actually poke somebody's ear, shoulder, or scalp (depending on their height).

This brings me to the important point of negotiating height differences with umbrellas.  As I am a very short 5'4", my umbrella's natural height is on par with most people's eye levels.  Others, such as the 6'5" businessmen who tower over everybody, will hold their umbrellas either very high above everybody's heads to avoid impaling people, or very low and tight to their heads.  For the shorties like moi, carrying an umbrella means constant lifting, lowering, and angling of the umbrella forward, backward or extreme-to-one-side to avoid hitting people, letting your runoff go down their coat collars, or edging them off the sidewalk with your bright yellow polka-dotted weapon of mass destruction.

Once indoors, the umbrella must immediately be folded and fastened shut and put away, despite the fact that it is probably slowly creating its own small lake on the floor of whatever facility you have entered.  This may mean that one side of your not-waterproofed backpack may become wet, meaning it is logical to remove all critical documents (like essays you have due the next day) from said backpack.

And the number one most valuable lesson I can provide any future London-goers about use of an umbrella, with all its risks, hazards, and potential for inflicting injury upon others:
The word "Sorry!" is your ABSOLUTE BEST FRIEND.

to bring sunshine to your rainy day...